New post.

I keep checking this blog and all I see are these old posts, so I've decided to dedicate a few minutes to writing a new post. Don't expect anything amazing; it'll just be me talking.

So, finals are next week, and I really need to study. I've been trying today, but I'm so tired. I was up last night because of the storm, and now I'm too tired to get any work done. I tried taking a caffeine pill (200 mg (about 5 as much as in a coke)) and that didn't do anything. My dad told me to take another one, which I am afraid might kill me, but it still might happen.

So, that's the post. Other blog members, you need to help me out. I'm all alone over here.


Edit: Apparently Porter had posted before I wrote this, but I did not see his post for some reason. My apologies.

Religion, nihilism, bears.

There is no god.
This is officially true-- I have full truth.
I have been up since 5 am. It is now ten.
FIVE GODDAMN HOURS. AS OF TEN.


Anyway, I'm actually going to put a real post in here. It should probably start below, but I'm going to get this out of my system. I despise getting up early. It is my bane; my nemesis; Sodom to my Gomorrah, or whatever that one is. Didn't one of those places get smote because there were gay guys there? Or because they didn't want to get pregnant, or something? The Bible is weird.

Hmm... I have mentioned Christianity/God several times already... Perhaps I'll blaze that trail. If
I'm going to explore religion, I apologize beforehand to any religious readers. I will show your beliefs no more respect than I would any other system of thought that I find silly. That might get me into trouble later on.

Anyways, religion.
Why?

Religion is essentially culturally ubiquitous. I have never heard of a culture that has not developed religion, and have never heard of a cultural advance or decline that was not either affected of effected an effect on religion. (Ambiguous grammar, w00t!) So, why is religion everywhere? Is it necessary? If so, why?

Alright, first question. I have seen it assumed that religion is common, and therefore necessary. I disagree with this reasoning. Not everything that is must be. Take, for example, wisdom teeth. At one point, they were necessary: our diet was composed of various rough and chewy things, and it was likely that we would lose a couple of teeth. Wisdom teeth come in, push other teeth into empty slots, fill molar slots, nom. However, they are now useless, and we get them removed most of the time. Religion might be sort of like that. If, at one point, religion worked as a survival tool, it would become dominant, regardless of accuracy. Let me add a dab of context.

Alright, humans evolve. We get our numbers high enough, and reach, say, generation F6, which is composed of 1,000 individuals. Now, let's say that F6 is split 50/50 between nihilists and deists. What happens? Remember, this is the wild, so we thinking folk don't have the luxuries we do now (sorry for implying you don't think, Thomas Payne. You were smart enough, but too radical for the church, and not enough for me.) So, anywho, the deists think that God wants them to live, so they hunt/ forage/ reproduce. The nihilists aren't so sure, so they spend slightly less time hunting, and more time trying to figure out why they should bother hunt if it doesn't change a damn thing in the greater universe. This doesn't matter yet at this point-- nihilism works fine from a survivalist standpoint with no pressures. Now, however, bears. Let's say that once a season, bears attack. Being organized, the early humans fight them off with a 90% success rating. Let's also say that their numbers double yearly. So, the bears keep some of the population in check-- if we assume that the doubling occurs all at one time, we gain around 300 humans the first year, and around 3/10 increases from that point. But, nihilists. Let's say bears attack-- deists will always try to fight them off, but nihilists have an 80% chance of saying "Why?" and getting nommed. So, each attack should weed off .1 of the population (remember, .9 success), with .02 more of that being nihilists. In that case, a deist has a 20% better chance of surviving to make babies, which is a gynormous evolutionary advantage. As such, if we assume that deists teach their kids about God, and nihilists teach theirs about Sartre. Therefore, nihilism gets the boot pretty quickly, and deists populate the planet. What conclusion can we draw here? If a significant pressure is present, religion is evolutionarily favorable. Jesus Christ, that's ironic.

Oh, also, bears and nihilists don't mix.

Second question-- necessary? No. I will repeat this. No. We do not need to believe in Jesus&friends to maintain our existence. In reality, the effects of religion on survival are intensely more subtle than I projected, and the chances are something like .02 percent better, not 20. Regardless, there is little to no chance of bear attack in the civilized world today, and religion is probably not the only thing holding the modern world up-- and if it were, I would have few problems with letting that world fall. Weare not that world, however, and we do not need religion to stat afloat-- maybe in the past it helped a little, maybe its prevalence is not but a fluke, but anyways, we don't need it now.

By the way, due to computer problems, this is not being posted until the day after its composition. Oh, and my sister just graduated from Wellesley Magna Cum Laude. Top that, fools.

The end of the world.

Virtual Reality. Nearly everyone has heard of it. The dorky helmets which let you see pseudo-3D images and things, and those video games like second life where you can fly around. That's not the kind of VR I'm about to talk about. I'm talking Matrix style, or like the Holodeck in Star Trek.

So just imagine... 50 years in the future and our technology has advanced to the point where we are able to create simulations that are indistinguishable from our current universe. Now, ignoring logistics, imagine that the known universe was mapped, atom by atom, or at least well enough that we could put this copy of our universe into the virtual reality simulation.

Then, if everyone in the world was connected to the virtual reality simulator, it would seem as though nothing had changed (ignoring, of course, the momentary break between mapping and connecting). As long as the virtual worlds were exactly the same as our own, we would notice no change. People would act like people, things would act like things. But, they wouldn't be real things, or real people, they would merely be digital representations of them. But, as long as it was done well enough, you wouldn't notice.

Now this is where it gets really interesting. Assuming that each virtual world could be manipulated, everyone could just be put on a deserted island and given whatever they wanted. It doesn't even have to be an island, it could be a cloud, or a palace; since it is only their world, it affects no one else, and technically there are no consequences.

So, we get this technology, hook everyone up, now what? Is there any point left in reproduction? If all aspects of of life are simulated, sex will be also. Instead of actual babies, we would get digital babies, and these digital babies could have normal lives, except they would be only digital lives.

Now what happens once everyone who was initially connected dies? There would still be billions of virtual worlds, except with no real person to "entertain". Could they be merely be switched off? Would it matter that the virtual babies would be killed? Are they even technically "living"?

So, I've got a hypothetical situation for the planned genocide of the entire human race. But before you lock me up, think about it. Everyone is happy (theoretically), no one is killed (except the virtual babies), and aside from all of the resources necessary to build the simulations, nothing is used. My entire scenario depends on whether the people care that they are in a simulation, which I assume that they do not; hey, they get cloud palaces.

I have more to say, but I'd better stop for tonight. I'm interested in hearing any feedback, even if you're telling me to leave the philosophy to Porter.

A warning.

While most of you are used to my photoshoppings and Porter's philosophical musings, I am considering attempting to muse on said philosophical topics. As my knowledge of philosophy is based more on experience than Porter's (or so I think), my posts will likely make even less sense.

You have been warned.

And sometime in the next month be ready for a video. It will be awesome. And require a lot of editing. So don't expect it anytime soon.

Random Awesomeness For Your Enjoyment

Sunflowers are like the Mary Poppins of flora.

More Cowbell!

Hay Thar. I have not posted in a while. I've missed whomever may be bored enough to read this. I don't really have a lot to say in this post, but it has been a while so I figure I'll just ramble. Yay!

So we're back from Globals. It was an epic adventure. Hot guys were stalked, shiny things were received and a magical time was had by all. Well, mostly all. For those of you who have never been lucky enough to experience the wonderfulness that is an Elevator Party, I feel deeply sorry for you. They are undoubtedly the one of greatest things I've ever had the opportunity to experience. Creepy note-leaving also ranks in the top ten. Pin trading, while unabashedly dorky, is immensely awesome. Also Quaden and I are quarreling lovers. Yay. Arbitrary deductions and incompetent appraisers aside, it was a wonderful week and I can't wait for next year. Assuming we make it to globals next year. I really hope we make it to globals next year.

So now I sit here at my shitty computer while my brother uses my good one...ew. I'm watching The Office. Oh how I missed The Office so while I was gone.
Deborah Sharfslefsky
142 North Winsor Lane
Dead. Car Accident.
Case closed.
Teehee. I love Dwight. Not as much as I love Ryan. Zomg. He's such a douchebag but he's such a fox.

I think that if you read the blog you should definitely comment lots. But don't spam and don't be rude. Just say things. It would make me happy. And that's really what everyone wants, isn't it? Yes. Yes, it is.

Music-- Plus, poll type thingy

Alright, it's the end of the three-day weekend, and I need to have a post so that I break my schedule one week into its genesis. However, I have little to write about, and don't feel like rambling like I did last post, so I'm going to give my adoring public (sob-I'm-alone) something slightly less philosophical; because when I'm short on Dawkins and Descartes, it's time to break out the Lordi and Lamb of God.
So, anywho, I'm going to preface with an incomplete list of my favorite bands, in the order in which they strike me. Here goes--
Pink Floyd, Albert King, B.B. King, Robert Johnson, Wynton Marsalis, Miles Davis, Children of Bodom, Hypnogaja, Rise Against, ChthoniC, Boston, Charlie Parker GnR, Job for a Cowboy, Porcupine Tree, Teitur Lassan, Bela Fleck, Edgar Meyer, Louis Armstrong, Beppe Gambetta, Carlo Aonzo, Emperor, Nine Inch Nails, Dead to Fall...

So on. I have very eclectic musical tastes. In a glance, I can see metal, blues, Italian folk, jazz, American folk, classic rock, and so forth. This does not even name composers, in which case I begin to delve into the worlds of baroque, big band, and pre-Romantic classical. Wow-- I must be insane.

Anyways, because I have little more patience for this post, and wish to go back to my good friend Hemingway, I'm going to open this to the readers (we know there's at least one of you.) I would like everyone, if it's not too inconvenient, to post their two or three favorite composers/bands/artists, and tell me why they're awesome.

To begin...

Pink Floyd-- best mood building and song structure of anyone I know.
All That Remains-- Tasteful metal-core, with a very, very good lead player, and some pretty subtle harmonization and rhythm/melody counterplay.
Miles Davis-- Jazz embodified. Listen to Bitches Brew, and you'll understand.

That's it! Please post!

Chaos and pintrading

DI is done, and despite the relief of being through with rehersals and such, I watch it pass with sorrow, because it was the most fun I've had in a long while. Luckily, the team will rise from the ashes that fell from the closing ceremony's excessive fireworks to find a new challenge. Exciting, no?
On another note, we got 2nd 1/2 place. Oh yes. Damn corrupt appraisers. No harsh feelings, though, because it was awesome anywhoo. Oh, and to those about to rock, flying robot zombie hookers who fight for animal rights and drive white vans filled with candy. Yummy.

The Long and Winding Post... (Bum bum...bum bum buhhh...)

Alright, it's Friday, and I feel like sticking to the schedule I said I was going to impose on myself. However, there is no one topic about which I particularly want to speak, so I'll do what I do best, as any of my very patient classmates will agree: ramble!
No, not like a bluesman, although that would be pretty cool, and may come up in this discussion. It's sort of hard to ramble in the got-no-money-for-the-greyhound-my-woman-done-left-me-all-I-got-is-the-clothes-on-my-back-and-this-here-old-guitar sense while typing, so I'll take my wanderlust in a more literary direction, instead. Speaking of literary, Kurt Vonnegut! He's awesome! And, unfortunately, dead! So it goes, as the Tralfamadorians would say. But, anyways, he brings up a bunch or really cool, if (due to their being?) bizarre, points. One of these, as you may have guessed by reading the above (or, you know, his books) is that of death. He has a recurring set of alien characters known as the Tralfamadorians, who, while variable in description between books, share a philosophy on death. The philosophy is, essentially, it happens. Whenever a person dies, they express remorse, but do not mourn. As Vonnegut describes it, they view life like a mountain range; you can walk to one end, and reaching the end may be bitter, but there are still plenty of mountains behind you. Likewise, if a person dies, it's sad in the moment, but there are still plenty of moments when that person was alive. Now is simply not one of those moments.
It may be bizarre, but I sort of agree with that philosophy. I mean, doesn't it seem strange that something so ephemeral can have such a huge impact upon its ending. However, I find that this philosophy is nearly impossible to actually follow. We, as humans, mourn the dead, form opinions about the living, and tend to discard those opinions for respect when the living become the dead. It is evolution-- we are inherently focused on keeping the kin alive, for obvious natural selection related reasons. Still, doesn't it seem more logical to accept death and celebrate life? To roll with the punches?
However, we, as human beings, are not logical creatures. If we were fully logical, there would be no religion*; no art; no love. And, while grief is painful, grief is really an expression of attachment which would be negated by perfect, cold logic. So, I say, fuck exactness in thought! Delve deep, and to hell with the consequences! Ask the big questions! Don't relent! Throw caution to the motherfucking wind! And, lastly, live! Because, really, if we all were governed by perfect logic, the only emotions would be satisfaction and fear. And, really, what are those to joy and anticipation? Nothing, I say. Bah, I say.

Poo-tee-weet?

Wow, that's going to be hard to follow. But, please, if I've sparked any epiphanies, read the rest before you post, because double posts are no fun. Anyways, I've written all of that before, in various different forms**, but still fail to live by it entirely. Why is that? Actually, I haven't a goddamn clue, so you're actually going to be reading the conclusion recorded directly as I reached it. Lucky you, and pardon any sloppiness in reasoning.
Anywho, I realize that this is probably the best way to live. But, I'm not living this way. Where's the gap? What is it in me that prevents me from throwing caution entirely to the wind? Could it be logic?
After all, I said that these things were diametrically opposed to pure, unadulterated logic. So, am I thnking too much? Do I over-reason?

Hmm...


I don't think so. After all, this proposed lifestyle, while very carefree, is not without its share of thought. Wasn't my first suggestion to delve deep? That can't be done without some amount of intelligence. So, maybe logic isn't the enemy. But what is? Is there even some psychological foe that must be quelled in order to reach my Camusian pinnacle of enlightened living?

Ah. There we go.
Enlightened.

Could that be it?
And, no, I'm not talking about a recursion to Buddhism, although that was fun for as long as I was able to suspend disbelief. I mean truly coming to terms with the world-- which, I suppose is, is the point of Buddhism, but I digress. My point is, maybe there's some realization I should make about the world before I can truly live freely.

Hmm, there's another one. Freely.
Free.

So, am I living under the constraint of some force or another? It would be cliché to say that society, or organized government, were weighing me down, and to work this has to come from me. So, maybe this truth I need to realize is how to make myself free-- how to rid myself of oppression.

Maybe I'm just saying this because I need to here it.

Eh, wanderlust never killed anybody. Wait, never mind, hitchhikers get killed all of the time. Eh, whatever, I'll keep going. I'd rather have fun that be safe.

Well, that could be something. I know that I need to live for good, not in fear of bad, but maybe the thing is that I have too much caution that I see as good. I guess I already covered this, but I wasn't really listening to myself. Well, here I go again.

Caution=bad?

This is sort of my conclusion, I guess. I am entirely aware of how unsatisfying this might be. It really isn't much for bombast, but neither am I, or at least not at the time being. If you need a big finish, go read the first bit again-- you know, the part before I went all exploratory and experimental.

Then again, you might just be acting cautiously and relying on the structure of writing with which you're familiar. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Poo-tee-weet?

*I realize that this is fully debatable, but it is simply one opinion. If you are going to be off-put by one opinion with which you disagree, though, why even bother reading my column? Still, don't be shy with comments-- I'm always up for a good theological debate, so long as civility is maintained.
**No, this is not something that I have copy-pasted from another musing. My point was simply that this was a revelation that I had had before, and I still failed to follow this self-realized doctrine. Go on back to the part where you stopped, now.

Made Up Words

Okay. So recently, I was talking to someone, and I meant to say something was tragic, and then, for some supercrazy reason, I accidentally said tragedous instead.

And it dawned on me.

Tragedous is a truly spectacular word. In fact, I would go so far as to call it tragedous that no one has previously come up with the word tragedous!

They haven't, by the way. I googled it- hardly any results, and most of those were in an unrecognizable foreign language. Tragedeze, only spoken by trapeze artists who have been in terrible life-altering catastrophes.

So I am extending a challenge to anyone who happens to read this (if readers do in fact exist): Use the word tragedous. In casual conversation. And see if anyone notices.

In fact, because challenges seem fun, here's another: make up a word, and post it in a comment! And in my next post, I will try to guess the meaning of your made up word!

We're Off!

Tomorrow morning at an ungodly early hour, Quaden, Bub, Mr. Barrel Roll and I will be embarking on a journey to the magical land of Knoxville, Tennessee to compete in the 2008 global competition for Destination Imagination. For those of you who don't know what that is, yes, it is just as dorky as it sounds. But rest assured, its awesome. Its so inconceivably awesome, that I can't explain it here because I don't think our tiny little blog's brain could handle it. In all likely-hood, our little blog's brain would explode if I even tried so I'll spare us the bloody mess. Wish us luck!
Not that we'll need it, we're really really awesome.

It's been a while...

Well, as one can become bored when awaiting the end of a long bout of mathematically induced procrastination, I was thinking that I needed something with which to occupy myself, when it came to my attention that it had been a considerable while since I had waxed philosophical. No moar! This post officially starts what is hoped to be a (minimally) tri-weekly posting schedule. Specifically, I will attempt to post every Tuesday, Friday, and once a weekend. (My schedule is rather mutable, so cut me some slack.)
Now, onto today's topic:
Time.

"Chipping away
At the hours that make up a dull day..."

Pink Floyd aside, though, time is one of the most interesting subjects possible; and I do not mean that lightly-- I spend most weekdays in the company of Roy Weber (known to most as Ray), Subzero, and Suth. And, in terms of real interesting, Vonnegut, Hemingway, and Descartes.
So, this concept of time-- what makes it so cool? In brief, we don't know that it is real.

Let me reiterate.

We don't know whether or not time exists.

Let me elaborate. We are able to use the hands of a clock to accurately tell the hour, minute, and second, but we are not actually able to measure time. After all, what is a clock measuring? The rate of rotation of the gears; the amount of power coursing through the wires; to exponentiate, the rotation of the Earth around the Sun. Really, we have no real way of measuring time itself. This is sort of an abstract concept. Let me try to be more clear--
Imagine a ball floating in a chamber with no influences-- no atmosphere, no other particles, no momentum. Look at this orb floating, with no time passing. No observe it for one full hour. What changes? Absolutely nothing.

What throws an interesting light on this is quantum physics--specifically, the idea that observing a particle changes it. If this is true, then time might be measurable only if it is being measured-- which is sort of a conundrum.

This is far from a complete discussion-- but please, post with thoughts.

Not serious post!

In order to make up for the depressing seriousness of the below post, I give you this:

Serious Post

Hello Everyone. I'm here today to talk to you about a serious issue. As many of you know, this blog was originally started as a joke, and in the last few weeks has transformed into something else. Although all of the silliness and hilarity has remained, an additional factor has been added, our audience. Now while it was fun at first, countertrolling subzero, and making fun of the ridiculous things Ray says, it has grown to become an issue that needs addressing.
Although this post is not designed to point fingers, several specific issues must be addressed. Firstly the issue of blog contributors. Since this blog was started for fun, and with no thought towards the future, adequate plans were not made. The blog became fun and exciting, something that everyone wanted in on. In our haste to gain popularity, we began inviting everyone onto the blog. This is not to say that those who were invited were not deserving of these invitations, but rather that a plan should have been established beforehand. For, as I realized too late, once the lolcat was out of the bag (to internet a commonly used phrase) and contributors were being added, others would inevitably want to join. However, as with all groups, disagreements started occurring over who should be allowed to join. I wanted to be nice and not exclude people, while Porter wanted to not rush into adding as many people as possible.
And the comments, yeah. I know this is my fault for requesting comments, but seriously, if you are posting comments, you should know how to behave. I apologize if I ever was unclear on what was and was not appropriate.

So, the future. The blog will stay mostly the same for the near future, and then we will decide how to proceed from there. A few quick notes:

1. The ROFLmyZygote First Semi-bi-annual-awesome-ified-ithyphallophobic-tastic-isty-ry Blogging Championship will be temporarily suspended. Feel free to send entries, but a winner will not be judged for an indeterminate length of time.
2. Commenting moderating will remain for the near future, and hopefully be removed when we feel it is appropriate.
3. Try not to feel left out; we are working on a way for everyone to contribute without changing the original feel of the blog.

So, I'd love to hear your opinions. Am I making too big a deal out of this? Do you even really care about who's posting? Do you feel that you have been mistreated? Should the blog remain? Be changed? Do you even care?


One last note: I in no way want this post to upset anyone. I'm just trying to what's best for everyone involved, and don't want to cause any misunderstandings along the way.

For crying out loud!

Oh deary. This blog has been ravaged by flame wars and poisoned by excessive use of the CtrlC, Ctrl+V function, and we have been forced to take counter measures. As much as I love y'all, lets keep it civil. Yes, we understand that some of us feel the need to express our creativity in ways other than those that have been deemed socially acceptable, but copying the entire damn blog and posting it as a comment makes me rape hungry. Please, everybody, take a breath, light a campfire, sing a round of Kumbya, toke well, and make your peace with the world.

Another DIY

Because I have no shame.

Clusterfuck!

Holy hell! DI is in 1 day! Lets all do the good luck dance!YAY!

Last Post? (for a while)

Hello all.

It's nearly midnight and I can't sleep, so you know what that means... (no porter, not me working on our science project, although that might happen later if I'm still awake) ... me posting pseudo random blog posts.

But first a few updates, as most of you know, several of the bloggers will be gone at a DI competition for the next several days. Although I hope we will still be able to post, I really doubt we will have enough time (Globals is really busy). So, yay that.

Another update: Joelster. She is on the blog. OMG. Yay! New contributor. Made up words. Anticipation! Now, before all of you start writing in angrily complaining that you aren't on the blog, I have an announcement. For those who wish to join our illustrious blog, you now have an opportunity. However, your quest will not be easy. Many may perish along the way, several more may even die... twice, or something. Yes, danger, mystery, ooohh.

Anyways, the quest. First you must travel to the ancient realms of Sheagorath and procure the heart of a dragon. However, this heart must not be merely the heart of any dragon, for, as the true wizard knows, in ancient Sheagorath, there many dragons. A true knight will not prove himself until he has rescued the heart of a princess... somehow. Your quest, if you choose to accept it, will bring you closer to death than any experience in your life ever will. You will dance with madness and brush with the infinite realms of possibility. You may even have the fantastic opportunity to send the mighty empire of all that is and ever will be ROFLmyZygote the donation, the gift of incalculable value, whose mere existence has been rumored for centuries, the golden crested dragons heart of all that is $5.

Though many have struggled through this journey, none have yet escaped with their lives. And so, if you want to prove yourself, and establish your place in blogging history, you must brave the frost-bitten winters of Hastill, survive the heat-ravaged deserts on the moons of Xenonin the nearly infinite, and slay the everlastingly silver dragon of poverty. Once thy hast returneth to the kingdom of ROFLmyZygote, thee will be worthy of the title. A title so grand that it shall ring through the forests of the halls of the Kantheon and leave true kings weeping in glory. This title shall be bestowed upon the most daring adventurer and shall forever mark the light of wisdom within them. This title shall be: ...





















[omg!!!]

[what?]

[whr didd da qeust goo]

[quaden!]

Ahem. I am back fellow travelers. I have been abducted. By aliens. Space aliens. The quest. Has been forgotten. Yet, from its ashes, a new quest will rise. This will be the real quest. The one that will let you join our blog. And here it goes...

ROFLmyZygote First Semi-bi-annual-awesome-ified-ithyphallophobic-tastic-isty-ry Blogging Championship

The Rules:

1. Don't talk about ROFLmyZygote
2. Don't talk about ROFLmyZygote
3. OMG, don't pay attention to rules one and two, spread the word as much as you can, we need all the publicity we can ge, oh god we're so alone
4. You will need to send an email to cohlwiler@gmail.com containing one or more of the following:
1. $5
2. A brief description of why you would make a good contributor to our blog.
3. A sample post.
4. A sample photoshopping.
5. The heart of a dragon.
6. This one's worth extra points so pay attention: a written description, at least 250 words long of your quest to find the aforementioned dragon's heart.
7. A laptop (great for porn)
8. A bear (vito preferably)
9. Proof that global warming exists
5. All entries will be judged. A winner may be picked. You all may be killed. You have been warned.
   

I HAVE ARRIVED.

Hello friends, enemies, and freezers!

I am the official Joelster. And I am going to join the posters of this blog in order to improve the quantity of psychedelic christmas trees, obscure references, and general randomness.

It should be known that ROFLmyZygote is the most awesome blog in the world. If you are reading this, then you should already know that, but just in case.

I am currently about to leave blogland, so this is really just an introduction of sorts. 

NEXT TIME WITH THE JOELSTER: made up words!!!!

I know. So much anticipation.

peace out ROFLmyZygote readers!

Intro!

Well, as far as I know, this person has not yet received an account, but, sometime in the near future, our presence will most likely be graced by that of a NEW SECRET MYSTERY CONTRIBUTER! Well, mystery to you. I know exactly who this person is.
By the way, not Suth or Subzero-- think crazier.
Think Christmas Trees.

David is too quotable

You can't tell, but his shirt reads "Male Love"

Happy Birthday!

If my facebook is to be believed, today is a very special day. It is the birthday of one of our regular commenters: subzero. To celebrate this momentous occasion, I propose a one day truce. Subzero, you will be polite, and we won't make you look like Satan, again. Okay?

I think I have a problem.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vito_Fossella


You probably ought to just go ahead and kill me now. I've looked, and there's no shortage of vito's out there. So prepare for a lot more of this.

We surveyed 526 people and...

Another

If enough people ask me to explain this, I will.


http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2006-18,GGGL:en&q=vito%20scotti&revid=650254503&resnum=1&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi

Zomg, Inside Jokes

I was going to try and explain this, but I decided it wasn't worth the trouble.

Those that know what this is about, you will find this funny. Those that don't will be all "What. The. Hell."

But that's okay. Just look at the funny image and giggle.

Yay Comments!

Quaden Here,

I would like to thank everyone who has been commenting. It has been awesome. However, in order to prevent confusion, it would be very helpful if regular commenters could use accounts to prevent confusion. Have arguments with "anonymous" can often lead to confusion and Scientology protests. So, if you plan on contributing to the comments often, take the time to sign into your Google account (and if you don't have one, take the time to create one, Gmail is awesome).

Thanks everyone!

It had to be done...

Jolly Ranchers

So you know the dude eating the jolly rancher in that despair poster?

I am that dude.

And the jolly rancher was delicious.

More Sparta!

P.S. I'm experimenting with lower image quality (i.e. size, not content (although that may be deteriorating also, but due to unrelated factors, such as lack of sleep, and running out of humorous things to post; but that's just my opinion, maybe you think the site's content is improving; if that is the case, why not invest a mere $5 towards maintaining that greatness)) since we are running out of space in the service we are using to host the images. Yes, I know there are other ways to host images, but I'd rather stick with what we have.

P.P.S. For the sake of your sanity, do not attempt to read the above statement. Just look at the funny image and giggle.

Comment Viewing Tip

Now that our blog has gained popularity (slightly), it has become difficult to keep track of all comments being posted. In order to combat this deadly threat, I offer you a tool: RSS.

Some of you may be familiar with RSS. For those not, I offer you a youtube video I just found:


If you don't really care about RSS, don't worry. You don't need to understand it to use this tip.

All you have to do is visit http://roflmyzygote.blogspot.com/feeds/comments/default and you will get a list of new comments. Yay!

Since this is RSS and more complicated than a normal web page, you may encounter problems. If this happens, just stick to reading comments the normal way.

All this sandwich-making is making my ovaries hurt.

Why do I have ovaries? Better yet, why would I be making sandwiches? The simple answer is that I am indeed a woman. And a newly added poster. My name is Jonas. No, that's a lie. But I thoroughly enjoy how clever I am. My name is Caroline, I'm a friend of Quaden and the Fitches and that seductive looking person in the picture a couple of posts below this with the caption involving how I and a certain other friend of the blog should sex. Yay.

So that's my little self-intro. I hope you approve of the blog's decision* to appoint me as a poster. Prepare for a myriad of bra, tampon and hot male actor related posts. Yes, it will be awesome.

Congratulations, this blog now comes with Class.




*By decision, I mean me asking if I could post and Quaden indifferently agreeing to my plea.

YESSS!!!!

I can drive!
Yes!

Today, I drove around in a parking lot blaring "Indigenous Laceration," and soliciting appalled looks from two-chinned Mid-Western evangelical Christians.

I win at everything forever.

Satan vs Subzero

Hmm. Well, Quaden, I have to disagree with your last post. Humorous? Yes. Accurate? Most definitely not! Take, for example, Varg Vikernes. True, his political leanings are similar to those of Subzero-- although less corporate, and more libertarian-meets-axe-murderer-- but listen to the music! When one is gorging oneself on blood, evil, and "In the Nightside Eclipse," or reveling in the dark odyssey that is Sediq Bale, Subzero's countenance is not the first thought to reach the mind-- unless that countenance is being raked by the claws of the Darkest and Sataniest Master of Dark and Satany Things (DaSMoSaST. So, to conclude-- subzero; bad? Yes. Satan? Not even close.

subzero

Say-tan!

OK. I was a-frolicking on the inter-blag and I felt compelled to google"Satan Good." This resulted in a series of awful antisemitic cartoons from pre-WWII Russia, some modern day Skinheads, and a lot of awesome black metal. Observation: every Acheron album is printed with a fully nude woman writhing in pain, covered in blood, and/or giving birth to Satan on its cover. Why would something as innocent as black metal expose the youth of America to such awful imagery? The answer is this: Satan.

Also, I discovered that televangelists believe that Satan is a traditional Kabuki actress. Look!

Faces from the neighborhood

It's nearly 1:00 AM. Why am I still awake? Is anyone even going to read this post? Why bother sacrificing sleep for this? Is it just for the lolz? Or could there be a deeper meaning to these meaningless posts? Perhaps I'm using the blog as a way to express my inner feelings. However, this could be the sleep-deprivation talking. Good night.

Edit: Why would Josh be in my inner feelings? That's just creepy.

It's a wonderful blog.

Epic fail.

Porter get some skillz.

Danny Devito != Don Vito

You fail.

Yay Birthday!

[Answer Survey] CTRL+SHIFT+DEL [Select Cookies] [Repeat]

Can you even watch Ultimate Frisbee on TV?

Duct Tape Art!

Sorry about the low image quality and weird colors, but you'll get the general idea.

More to come later!

Science

Take that, Matt Sutherland.

Hmm...

Despair!!!!

Scariest synth-pop since... um... something synth-poppy that was really scary

We love you, diy.despair.com

What. The. Hell.

What on earth is this?

I often find humourous results when pseudo-randomly searching google images for irrelevant text strings--this also shows that the internet is almost one fourth porn. But, when searching for "1," I stumbled across this-- what the hell? Almost stranger is the fact that it showed up linked to a World of Warcraft forum. This-- and my financial situation (none)-- remind me of why I don't play that game.

Actually, that's bull. This has nothing to do with why I don't play WoW.

This really doesn't relate to anything.

But, I mean, what the hell?
EDIT: Apparently, that's Danny DeVito.
Still makes no sense.
Any leads on this, let me know.
EDIT EDIT: Actually, that's Don DeVito. Thanks, Quaden!

OMG Toast

Five Dollars

Comment! Comment! Comment!

Attention All!

If you are reading this, do not remain anonymous any longer. Please post a comment. Our editors need motivation and want to know that people are actually reading our posts.

If you fail to post a comment, it is likely that the blog will stop updating. And that would be sad. So post some comments. Don't even bother to make them relevant. They can be about what ever. Like ducks, or boats or something. Just post them. On our blog: http://ROFLmyZygote.blogspot.com

Post! Comments! Now! And send us $5!

Miami Valley School

Five Dollars?

Since Caden's post last night, I have noticed a disturbing lack in the input of five dollars. While, yes, our blog is young, I would have expected a rather large influx of five dollars-- after all, how else are we to continue these photoshoppings and pointless pseudo-philosophical musings? While, yes, five dollars is a rather large commitment, larger even than tracing our as-of-yet-unposted address, (which is, admittedly, a bit creepy-- but acceptable, if it leads to five dollars) I would like to encourage everyone to please, regardless of legality, find us, and contribute five dollars. Five awesome dollars.
I mean, just think of the awesome.

One Day Anniversary

Hello all*, and welcome to my first text post. Although you** may know me only from the images that I have been posting over the last 24 hours. I hope you have all found them enjoyable. I also hope that you have enjoyed reading Porter's two wonderful posts and observing The Fitch's beautiful photoshop skillz.

I'm here to represent all of us here at ROFLmyZygote and to welcome you to our community. While all of the content is provided by our talented editors, we would not be here without your support. Your continued donations*** have been allowing us to add servers to our mainframes, and greatly maximize our bandwidth solutions horizon opportunities. Thank you.

Hopefully with enough support we can make it to two days worth of exceptional content. Our operators are standing by waiting to take your donations. Just think, with each dollar you send, we get one dollar. And that dollar could go towards something awesome, for us. And then we might feel so awesome that we could post something. Please, just send us a dollar, we're only asking for one. Just think how much awesomer this site could be if all of our readers sent in just one dollar. We could be five whole dollars awesomer****. Now wouldn't you like to see that happen? So, come on, send us a dollar, please.





* I am aware that by addressing "all" I'm mostly talking to myself.
** See above.
*** Continued as in future, i.e. expected.
**** Five whole dollars awesomer' not guaranteed, results may vary, nonlethal side effects may occur.

Lazorz

Moar Posterz lolz

Lotsa Canz

Mad Skills

Metal, Pop, Depression and Other Fun Stuff. (MPDOFS?)

Here's something interesting-- I remembered a discussion I'd had with a friend of mine regarding metal (music, not substance), and an interesting point was brought to my attention. While the discussion was pretty drawn out, the basic conclusion was this: people listen to music to correspond to a mood, and music tends not to work the other way. However, some of my less... screamily inclined friends have testified just the opposite; that they listen to happy music when they are sad, and not vice versa, which is my style. Who knows; I tend not to like much happy music at all, so this could be an idiosyncrasy based on my cynicism, and not musical tastes. Still, I think it interesting that those who like darker music tend to listen to it when the corresponding mood takes them. I wonder if this means that metalheads simply have darker dark patches than pop listeners. As to that matter, what "dark" music is really popular at all right now? Or maybe a loathing for pop has lead me to become cynical and occasionally depressed, and that's what drove me to metal.
Basically, I conclude that is possible that pop radio may be responsible for depression today.

In all seriousness, though,l I do think that most good music was caused by a wish to move directly against or away from the dishonesty and disingenuousness that is pop.

Well, that and LSD.