The Long and Winding Post... (Bum bum...bum bum buhhh...)

Alright, it's Friday, and I feel like sticking to the schedule I said I was going to impose on myself. However, there is no one topic about which I particularly want to speak, so I'll do what I do best, as any of my very patient classmates will agree: ramble!
No, not like a bluesman, although that would be pretty cool, and may come up in this discussion. It's sort of hard to ramble in the got-no-money-for-the-greyhound-my-woman-done-left-me-all-I-got-is-the-clothes-on-my-back-and-this-here-old-guitar sense while typing, so I'll take my wanderlust in a more literary direction, instead. Speaking of literary, Kurt Vonnegut! He's awesome! And, unfortunately, dead! So it goes, as the Tralfamadorians would say. But, anyways, he brings up a bunch or really cool, if (due to their being?) bizarre, points. One of these, as you may have guessed by reading the above (or, you know, his books) is that of death. He has a recurring set of alien characters known as the Tralfamadorians, who, while variable in description between books, share a philosophy on death. The philosophy is, essentially, it happens. Whenever a person dies, they express remorse, but do not mourn. As Vonnegut describes it, they view life like a mountain range; you can walk to one end, and reaching the end may be bitter, but there are still plenty of mountains behind you. Likewise, if a person dies, it's sad in the moment, but there are still plenty of moments when that person was alive. Now is simply not one of those moments.
It may be bizarre, but I sort of agree with that philosophy. I mean, doesn't it seem strange that something so ephemeral can have such a huge impact upon its ending. However, I find that this philosophy is nearly impossible to actually follow. We, as humans, mourn the dead, form opinions about the living, and tend to discard those opinions for respect when the living become the dead. It is evolution-- we are inherently focused on keeping the kin alive, for obvious natural selection related reasons. Still, doesn't it seem more logical to accept death and celebrate life? To roll with the punches?
However, we, as human beings, are not logical creatures. If we were fully logical, there would be no religion*; no art; no love. And, while grief is painful, grief is really an expression of attachment which would be negated by perfect, cold logic. So, I say, fuck exactness in thought! Delve deep, and to hell with the consequences! Ask the big questions! Don't relent! Throw caution to the motherfucking wind! And, lastly, live! Because, really, if we all were governed by perfect logic, the only emotions would be satisfaction and fear. And, really, what are those to joy and anticipation? Nothing, I say. Bah, I say.

Poo-tee-weet?

Wow, that's going to be hard to follow. But, please, if I've sparked any epiphanies, read the rest before you post, because double posts are no fun. Anyways, I've written all of that before, in various different forms**, but still fail to live by it entirely. Why is that? Actually, I haven't a goddamn clue, so you're actually going to be reading the conclusion recorded directly as I reached it. Lucky you, and pardon any sloppiness in reasoning.
Anywho, I realize that this is probably the best way to live. But, I'm not living this way. Where's the gap? What is it in me that prevents me from throwing caution entirely to the wind? Could it be logic?
After all, I said that these things were diametrically opposed to pure, unadulterated logic. So, am I thnking too much? Do I over-reason?

Hmm...


I don't think so. After all, this proposed lifestyle, while very carefree, is not without its share of thought. Wasn't my first suggestion to delve deep? That can't be done without some amount of intelligence. So, maybe logic isn't the enemy. But what is? Is there even some psychological foe that must be quelled in order to reach my Camusian pinnacle of enlightened living?

Ah. There we go.
Enlightened.

Could that be it?
And, no, I'm not talking about a recursion to Buddhism, although that was fun for as long as I was able to suspend disbelief. I mean truly coming to terms with the world-- which, I suppose is, is the point of Buddhism, but I digress. My point is, maybe there's some realization I should make about the world before I can truly live freely.

Hmm, there's another one. Freely.
Free.

So, am I living under the constraint of some force or another? It would be cliché to say that society, or organized government, were weighing me down, and to work this has to come from me. So, maybe this truth I need to realize is how to make myself free-- how to rid myself of oppression.

Maybe I'm just saying this because I need to here it.

Eh, wanderlust never killed anybody. Wait, never mind, hitchhikers get killed all of the time. Eh, whatever, I'll keep going. I'd rather have fun that be safe.

Well, that could be something. I know that I need to live for good, not in fear of bad, but maybe the thing is that I have too much caution that I see as good. I guess I already covered this, but I wasn't really listening to myself. Well, here I go again.

Caution=bad?

This is sort of my conclusion, I guess. I am entirely aware of how unsatisfying this might be. It really isn't much for bombast, but neither am I, or at least not at the time being. If you need a big finish, go read the first bit again-- you know, the part before I went all exploratory and experimental.

Then again, you might just be acting cautiously and relying on the structure of writing with which you're familiar. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Poo-tee-weet?

*I realize that this is fully debatable, but it is simply one opinion. If you are going to be off-put by one opinion with which you disagree, though, why even bother reading my column? Still, don't be shy with comments-- I'm always up for a good theological debate, so long as civility is maintained.
**No, this is not something that I have copy-pasted from another musing. My point was simply that this was a revelation that I had had before, and I still failed to follow this self-realized doctrine. Go on back to the part where you stopped, now.